JSB's Whiz Bang #1

A little something extra to keep you sane

JSB’s Whiz Bang will be an occasional, and occasionally free, WW supplement

Wilford Hamilton Fawcett was an Army captain in World War I. His nickname was “Captain Billy.” Because he had been a reporter on the Minneapolis Tribune he was assigned to the military newspaper, Stars and Stripes. His specialty was gathering jokes and funny stories.

After the war he started his own little magazine of humorous items, calling it Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang.

It reflected American culture at the time—Prohibition, flappers, political shenanigans in Washington (imagine that!), and so on. As Fawcett explained in 1920:

With the October issue, Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang will start its second year. This little publication was created with the idea of giving the former service men in the vicinity of Robbinsdale and the Twin Cities a continuation of the pep and snap we got in the army. The first run of the press was 2,000 copies. They went like hot-cakes and “seconds” were necessary. For several successive months it was necessary to double our monthly press order. We sincerely tender our heartfelt thanks for your loyal support and shall endeavor more than ever to merit your patronage.

Inside the magazine you’d find one liners:

Female detectives should be good lookers.

Alimony: Bounty on the mutiny.

2-3 liners:

Marriage is an institution. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

“Why are American Tommies called ‘Doughboys’,” asked a kind lady of an English soldier. “Well,” theorized the English soldier, “I suppose it is because they were kneaded in 1914 and did not rise until 1917.”

Letters to the Editor:

Dear Billy—Don’t you think the short skirts the girls are wearing make us look lots shorter?—Daisy Fields.

Yes, Daisy, but they make us men look lots longer, so what’s the difference?

***

Dear Editor—Please help me. I was out with a young lady for the first time when she saw some jewelry. She said she wished to buy some but had left her pocketbook at home. What should I have done?—Troubled Tom.

Tom, you should have lent the lady five cents to go home and get her pocketbook. Always be a gentleman.

Poetry:

A girl may laugh, a girl may sing;
A girl may knit and crochet,
But she can’t scratch a match
On the seat of her pants,
Because she’s not built that way.

***

A young man named Christopher Gunn
Once married a girl “just for fun.”
But soon a boy came
Now dad’s not the same
For the kid’s a young son of a Gunn.

Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang could be a bit ribald. Many parents objected to its lack of “moral fiber.” In fact, the famous musical The Music Man references it when Harold Hill has gathered all the parents of River City to warn them of “trouble, trouble, trouble” because a pool hall has just opened in their community. He asks the concerned mothers if “certain words are creeping into” their boys’ conversations. “Words like swell…” (the crowd gasps) “…and So’s your old man…” (more gasps).

“Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang?” (Ack!)

There will be no corruption from JSB’s Whiz Bang! It’s a place for me to record a few laughs from time to time. Since this intro has kicked things off, let me leave you with just two items:

Winston Churchill battled often with the first woman to serve in the House of Commons, Lady Nancy Astor. At a dinner party Lady Astor remarked, “Winston, if I were your wife I’d poison your tea.” Churchill replied, “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”

***

A minister came to his church one weekday to do some work. He heard a noise in the foyer, and there found a young boy. The boy said he had come in to have a look. “Would you like me to show you around?” the minister asked. The boy said, “Yes!”

So the minister showed him the stained glass windows, the baptistry, and a prayer wall listing the names of missionaries the church supported. On a large plaque was another list of names, and the boy asked who they were.

The minister replied, “Those are the names of young men from our church who died in the service.”

The boy pondered, then asked, “Was that the morning service or the evening service?”

Remember: Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you make the bartender pretend to wipe down the other end of the bar.